Thursday, October 02, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
I know a girl...
I know a girl who at 16 is already a recovering addict.
I know a girl who slept with a boy last week because he wanted to and she didn't care.
I know a girl who would do ANYTHING (!) for affection.
I know a girl who just wants someone to say she's beautiful.
These girls break my heart. In so many ways, I am these girls. I get so overwhelmed with how much they hurt sometimes that I cry. I like awake worrying about them, praying for them. I don't know how much good I can do, but I know that I am blessed by letting God use me.
What is more worrying is that this is just the beginning. This is only the things I KNOW. What can I do in just a few hours a week? How much of a difference does a phone call, text message, or email make? Do they realize I love them? Do they realize that love doesn't have to come with a price tag? Some days I just wish I could spend a day telling each of them how much more there is, how much I care, how much GOD LOVES her. I know that I can't (and shouldn't) try to save them myself, but sometimes I really wish I could.
I know a girl who slept with a boy last week because he wanted to and she didn't care.
I know a girl who would do ANYTHING (!) for affection.
I know a girl who just wants someone to say she's beautiful.
These girls break my heart. In so many ways, I am these girls. I get so overwhelmed with how much they hurt sometimes that I cry. I like awake worrying about them, praying for them. I don't know how much good I can do, but I know that I am blessed by letting God use me.
What is more worrying is that this is just the beginning. This is only the things I KNOW. What can I do in just a few hours a week? How much of a difference does a phone call, text message, or email make? Do they realize I love them? Do they realize that love doesn't have to come with a price tag? Some days I just wish I could spend a day telling each of them how much more there is, how much I care, how much GOD LOVES her. I know that I can't (and shouldn't) try to save them myself, but sometimes I really wish I could.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Am I paranoid?
A woman I work with told me I am paranoid today. I don't think so, but maybe I have overreacted. So, you guys (my whole like 1 1/2 readers) get to tell me whether I am overboard.
A little history of what this all came from:
I am the lone single girl in a group of friends from high school. All of these friends are guys and most are married. With each new marriage, I made it a point to tell the guy that I wasn't his friend anymore. I was either his wife's friend or not in the picture. I thought that it was best for everyone that this line be set. Now, these are all guys that I have known since we were 15 or 16 years old. I am not attracted to any of these guys at all. BUT why would I ever let someone's wife wonder? I have set up all kinds of "crazy" rules for this:
1. I don't spend time alone with someone's husband.
2. I (for the most part) make plans with the couple through the wife.
3. I do NOT become friends on myspace or facebook with old boyfriends who are now married.
If I want to stay in contact with their families, I am friends with their wives.
4. I limit conversations with married men. I do not confide in them or talk to them one-on-one for any length of time.
5. One of the first things I learn about a man I meet is whether or not he is married. If I know from the beginning, there is NO misunderstanding. Also, until told otherwise, I assume I am dealing with someone's husband (If he isn't, he will probably be someday, right?).
Okay, so today, one of my coworkers (a very married man) asked if I wanted to go with him to eat lunch. This was a completely innocent request. I do not question his intentions at all. He simply knew that I was about to leave for lunch and wanted to know if I wanted to walk across to the cafeteria at work with him. This would have been a completely public thing. We would not have been in a car alone; we would have been eating in a public place. I told him I couldn't today and left it at that.
I am sure there would be no damage from grabbing lunch, but I just didn't think it was right to go with him. I have met his wife. I have actually joined them for lunch a few times. She would not think anything of it (most likely). I just don't want anyone to ever doubt my intentions with her husband.
Well, I talked to my coworker (who is married) about it after he left. I thought she would see it the same way. She told me it was ridiculous and paranoid. I asked her if she would appreciate someone going to lunch with her husband. She said she trusts him and would not care. I don't know.
It seemed like I was being wise to put all these rules in place, but am I just paranoid?
A little history of what this all came from:
I am the lone single girl in a group of friends from high school. All of these friends are guys and most are married. With each new marriage, I made it a point to tell the guy that I wasn't his friend anymore. I was either his wife's friend or not in the picture. I thought that it was best for everyone that this line be set. Now, these are all guys that I have known since we were 15 or 16 years old. I am not attracted to any of these guys at all. BUT why would I ever let someone's wife wonder? I have set up all kinds of "crazy" rules for this:
1. I don't spend time alone with someone's husband.
2. I (for the most part) make plans with the couple through the wife.
3. I do NOT become friends on myspace or facebook with old boyfriends who are now married.
If I want to stay in contact with their families, I am friends with their wives.
4. I limit conversations with married men. I do not confide in them or talk to them one-on-one for any length of time.
5. One of the first things I learn about a man I meet is whether or not he is married. If I know from the beginning, there is NO misunderstanding. Also, until told otherwise, I assume I am dealing with someone's husband (If he isn't, he will probably be someday, right?).
Okay, so today, one of my coworkers (a very married man) asked if I wanted to go with him to eat lunch. This was a completely innocent request. I do not question his intentions at all. He simply knew that I was about to leave for lunch and wanted to know if I wanted to walk across to the cafeteria at work with him. This would have been a completely public thing. We would not have been in a car alone; we would have been eating in a public place. I told him I couldn't today and left it at that.
I am sure there would be no damage from grabbing lunch, but I just didn't think it was right to go with him. I have met his wife. I have actually joined them for lunch a few times. She would not think anything of it (most likely). I just don't want anyone to ever doubt my intentions with her husband.
Well, I talked to my coworker (who is married) about it after he left. I thought she would see it the same way. She told me it was ridiculous and paranoid. I asked her if she would appreciate someone going to lunch with her husband. She said she trusts him and would not care. I don't know.
It seemed like I was being wise to put all these rules in place, but am I just paranoid?
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Distractions and Shiny Objects
So, I spent a long time talking to a friend last night about the people in our lives (not in the gossipy way!). We talked about who we worry for, who we love spending time with, and who we would love to spend more time with too. So, as we were talking though, I realized that my conversation went back to the same person over and over again.
I have constantly had this same person on my mind everyday for the last week or so. I am completely unsure of why. It may be because I am concerned about some of the things he has going on in his life and I feel like I should keep in prayer for him. I am sure that is all there is to it, right?
I would love to think that is all there is to it, but I am also completely distracted by him.
You would think that 27 years of being single would have taught me how to focus on something other than the shiny objects (otherwise known as guys) that wander into my life. It hasn't. Shiny objects are a distraction. Very attractive, God-serving shiny objects are ridiculously distracting. This past week, I had to give my self little pep talks to keep from being so out of focus. Is that ridiculous?
Now, all of you know my weakness.
What's your distraction? How do you refocus?
I have constantly had this same person on my mind everyday for the last week or so. I am completely unsure of why. It may be because I am concerned about some of the things he has going on in his life and I feel like I should keep in prayer for him. I am sure that is all there is to it, right?
I would love to think that is all there is to it, but I am also completely distracted by him.
You would think that 27 years of being single would have taught me how to focus on something other than the shiny objects (otherwise known as guys) that wander into my life. It hasn't. Shiny objects are a distraction. Very attractive, God-serving shiny objects are ridiculously distracting. This past week, I had to give my self little pep talks to keep from being so out of focus. Is that ridiculous?
Now, all of you know my weakness.
What's your distraction? How do you refocus?
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Starting Over... Again...
So, I am suddenly wide awake tonight and am wandering around from blog to blog. It is random, but I felt the need to catch up on some old blogs and to visit some new ones. Then, I got inspired.
I used to blog all the time in college. Then I got busy and stopped. Well, I got busy being an "adult" and no longer had anything fun to write about. Somehow, it was boring to write daily posts that said "life is normal.... I wake up and go to work." There wasn't much going on in life then (at least, not that I wanted to advertise!).
Now, though, I have gotten connected to this great group of people and would love to get to know them all better. This line of thought is what started the blog wanderings earlier. Then, I realized something. Relationships can't be one-sided (that is called STALKING!); so, I am going to attempt to share as much as I am consuming. I don't think I write as well as other people, but we'll see. Hopefully I will be able to keep this up and someone will get something out of this rambling page. Anyway, that is the point I guess.
I used to blog all the time in college. Then I got busy and stopped. Well, I got busy being an "adult" and no longer had anything fun to write about. Somehow, it was boring to write daily posts that said "life is normal.... I wake up and go to work." There wasn't much going on in life then (at least, not that I wanted to advertise!).
Now, though, I have gotten connected to this great group of people and would love to get to know them all better. This line of thought is what started the blog wanderings earlier. Then, I realized something. Relationships can't be one-sided (that is called STALKING!); so, I am going to attempt to share as much as I am consuming. I don't think I write as well as other people, but we'll see. Hopefully I will be able to keep this up and someone will get something out of this rambling page. Anyway, that is the point I guess.
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